Grandpa Uncensored

Today was the day that I take Dad and Mom in for their flu shot to our local clinic.  It takes quite a bit to get all of us moving. I bring the car around the back, bring Dad’s walker down the stairs and place it at the bottom, I watch Dad toddle out on the porch, hanging on for dear life, as he goes down the stairs. We’ll be turning those stairs into a ramp very soon. Dad pooh poohs the thought of changing the stairs, “I’m fine,” he says, “if you do that it will make me feel old.” 

Hmmm…guess what Dad?  You ARE eighty-four years old now!

So he gets down to the bottom and grabs his walker and walks to the car. I open the door and he swings his butt into the front seat. He grins really big (he LOVES getting out at times). I close the door, open the trunk, take the handles off his walker, and plop it in the trunk then away we go AFTER Mom gets in the car which takes a little while. She has a bad hip. She fell down a flight of stairs holding my then 6 week old brother. She kept him up in the air as she rolled down the twenty-four concrete basement church stairs. My brother lived, Mom’s  hip didn’t, but she refuses to get a hip replacement. Shoot…she refuses to take pain medication unless she’s going shopping. So it takes her a little time to get in the car with her ‘dead leg’ as she calls it. I get in the car and Peanut climbs in the back seat next to Mom.

“Peanut’s going?’  Dad asked.

“Yep…I’m going Grandpa,” Peanut replies.

“What did you say?”  Dad yells to the back seat. Dad is pretty deaf in both ears but he won’t wear a hearing aid because he says it hurts his ears. Mom says, ” He thinks it hurts his ears? Did he ever stop to think all that yelling he does, cuz he is deaf, hurts our ears?”

Peanut yells, “I’m going Grandpa!”

“You don’t have to yell, ” he says grinning like a monkey because he got a rise out of his granddaughter AND his wife.

We get to the clinic and Dad goes to fill out the paperwork. He lets everyone, yes everyone, know his business. He begins to attempt humor to all the others who are not feeling well in the waiting room. “Wonder if I should tell them I have syphilis?”  He laughs really big. “Should I tell them how many times I’ve been pregnant?” He laughs really big again hoping for a laugh from the room. Peanut rolls her eyes.

I announce loudly, “I just want to apologize to the waiting room here for my Dad. He is uncensored.”    The room giggles.

Mom adds, “Please excuse him. He had a stroke. He no longer has the wall in his mind between tact and no tact whatsoever.” The room erupts in laughter.

We’ve become the comedy team of Bethie and Vernie all of a sudden.

Dad looks at the paperwork,” Do I have female troubles?” He looks at Mom and I. “You bet I do.” He snickers.

Peanut is trying to look like wallpaper hoping maybe no one will notice her.

The nurse calls in Mom and Dad.

Peanut smiles, “Thank goodness!”

The room erupts again.

I have to tell you how much I enjoy and love my parents. Even though it takes a little bit of work to get them from here to there they are one of my positive thought inspirations. Here they are with their elderly bodies that at times they have no idea how they got old yet they still see the humor in life. I want to be them when I grow up.


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