We were all sitting around talking about what our mob names would be. Grandpa didn’t understand the game. Grandma understood but she didn’t want to say anything that would hurt someone’s feelings.

Lee: Okay, this is how you play: you pick out a name with ‘the’ in front of it that describes what you would consider that person’s prominent trait is. For example, I think Beth’s mob name would be (he thinks for a moment),  I got it! Beth’s mob name would be ‘the Counselor.’

Everyone laughed and agreed.

Me: So I think Lee’s name would be…hmmmm…uh… (I start laughing)  Lee’s mob name would be ‘the Whiner.’

We all uproariously laugh as Lee whines about it.

Our fourteen year old daughter knew she was next. You see, being the age she is, she can be a little clumsy. She is constantly running her big toe into things and if you’re a guy you don’t want to get to close to her when she is talking. She tends to swing her arms when she talks and they invariably hit a guy right where it counts.  Grandma decides to get in on the game.

Grandma: I have the perfect name for Peanut.

Lee: Good, good! What do you think her mob name would be?

Grandma: Her mob name would be ‘the Nutcracker!’

Lee shot his soda pop out of his mouth and we all were on the floor rolling from laughter.

Grandpa: I don’t get it.

Grandma: You know, Peanut is always accidentally hitting people in the privates? So she would be ‘the Nutcracker.’ You get it now?

Grandpa: Not really…explain it to me.

Grandma: I’ll explain it to you in the room a little later.

Grandpa: Why not now?

Grandma rolls her eyes.

Grandma: You know what Grandpa’s name would be? Hey Vinny, here comes ‘the Tactless.’

Grandpa: Could you tell me why you would call her ‘the Nutcracker?!” I mean that makes me think of someone getting hit in the privates.

Grandma: That’s what I said.

Grandpa: You know, that reminds of a story from my childhood.

Grandma: Don’t tell that story.

Grandpa: The one where my friend got whacked in the privates on a camping trip…

Grandma: The Tactless strikes again.