Grandpa: In our day we played all kinds of harmless tricks on Halloween.

Peanut: Like what, Grandpa?

Grandpa: Oh, the usual stuff; blowing up outhouses and stealing pumpkins so we could play trick or treat bowling.

Peanut: Trick or treat bowling?

Grandpa: You haven’t heard of trick or treat bowling before? You steal a pumpkin off a porch and then you bowl for trick or treaters on the sidewalk.

He smiles really big.

Grandpa: Good times, good times…

Peanut: Grandpa! That isn’t harmless at all! That’s downright mean.

Grandpa: Oh, no, everybody did it. We even got shot at a time or two but we were good boys.

Peanut: You’d be in jail if you did that nowadays, Grandpa.

Grandpa: You don’t know what harmless fun is, Peanut.

Peanut: I know it doesn’t include taking out someone’s toilet or breaking someone’s foot with a pumpkin.

Grandpa: My granddaughter’s a wimp.

Peanut: Thank goodness! At least I’m a wimp who isn’t in jail.

Grandma puts in her two cents: You’re a good girl, Peanut. Don’t listen to your crusty ol’ grandpa. It’s a wonder he is even alive.

Grandpa: I’m still living?

Grandpa begins to fiddle with the fake cardboard skeleton hands on the table. He folds down all the fingers but the middle one, shows it to Peanut, and laughs. Grandma rips it out of his hands.

Grandma: GRANDPA! Stop that! Poor Peanut is going to think you’re just a raunchy old man.

Peanut: Too late…